I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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