So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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