her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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