i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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