Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
