ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
