Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
