WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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