Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
