I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize