Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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