It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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