Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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