There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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