I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
