We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
