So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
