I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
