the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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