shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
