So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
