youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i've created a new STD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
