Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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