i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
