i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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