Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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