Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
