walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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