there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
