sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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