What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize