Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
