i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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