it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
