she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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