Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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