Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
