So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize