Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
