last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
