what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
