omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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