Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
