I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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