So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
