You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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