Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
