all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
