You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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