Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
