hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
