So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
