There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
