So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
