I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
