i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
