he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize