I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
