Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
