There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
zippers are such a cool invention
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
