..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
