I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
