I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
