Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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