I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
