Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize