Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
