also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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