..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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